Holiday bark

 I decided to jump on this season's bark train and make my own version of this holiday treat (is it only at the holidays one can eat bark? Note to self: make bark in July, be a rebel, enjoy.) I made two kinds: Pumpkin Pie Bark (pie blog...) and Cranberry Bliss Bark (because it sounded good). One thing about the Pumpkin Pie Bark - pumpkin puree doesn't freeze well, so resist the urge to add a lot into your chocolate mix. Compensate for the lack of puree with a healthy shake of the spice jars. Happy barking!

Oh Sandy...

As I write this, it is Hour #19* of Hurricane Sandy - The Frankenstorm. Luckily, I am safe and sound in Astoria, living a few blocks away from the edge of the flood zone and therefore not having to evacuate. Instead, my friends and I stocked up on wine, canned goods, more wine, toilet paper, cheese, and a few extra bottles of wine just for good measure, ensuring a three-day bacchanalia of day-drinking, bad movies and weather channel porn. And pie.

*Mary's Hurricane Clock started at 7pm yesterday, the hour at which the subways shut down, sequestering everyone in their apartments and in hurricane lockdown. This is not an official measure of time and is not endorsed by the National Weather Service.

Because it's not a true hurricane party without some pie (and because the bordom set in right around 8pm last night), I give to you the Official Hurricane Sandy Frankenpie (Disclaimer: it's pumpkin pie. I merely gave it an ironic and topical name).

Ingredients - makes 1 deep dish pumpkin pie
1 can pumpkin puree
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 can evaporated milk
1/2 tsp salt
Spices to taste:
   Cinnamon
   Ginger
   Nutmeg
1 sheet pre-made refrigerated pie crust, because let's be honest: you're just too distracted by insanely scary ariel photos of Sandy to bother with homemade pie crust.

How to
Stir together puree, sugar, eggs and evaporated milk. Mix in spices.

Neatly place pie crust in pan, sealing the dough around the edges. Pierce bottom and inside of crust with fork, then pour pumpkin mixture into pie pan. If you're using a shallow pan, you will have extra mix.

Bake on your oven's middle rack for 15 minutes at 325. Then increase temperature to 350 and bake for another 30 minutes, or until you can cleanly pull a knife out from the center of the pie.

Let cool for 20 minutes. Serve with a dollop of whipped cream alongside mulled wine and an intense game of Sheepshead.

Special shout-outs go to this guy for having the foresight to purchase all the pie ingredients and actually make the pie, and this girl for leading our pie-filled butts in core-strengthening yoga exercises so that we're able to fight off the zombies when they finally emerge from the eye of the hurricane.